Frailty

Ever had one of those moments where you've wrestled with a question for years and years, and all of a sudden, God gives you the answer so suddenly that you're sent reeling?

Something like that happened to me a few weeks ago.

Ever since I was a child (by the way, when I say child, I mean 5 years old), I have cursed my own weakness. I was allergic to virtually every condiment, any kind of fur or dander, most foods, dust (still have that one), freshly cut grass, and dairy; had terrible eyesight; lungs so weak that I needed an aerochamber to dilute the medicine from my inhaler because it was too strong for them by itself (they're stronger now, though); braces; a weak immune system; and a very small amount of stamina. I also had no idea how to talk to other people. If I remember correctly, when I was a kid, I was downright afraid to talk to girls and thought that there was some kind of secret technique to it. My brothers, on the other hand, were always the athletic, outgoing, and intelligent type and the kind of people that everyone (especially the adults) around me seemed to prefer.

I can still remember the nights that I would lie awake at night and say, "God, why on earth did You make me like this? My parents are shoveling out thousands of dollars every year just to keep me alive. Why plague the earth with my miserable existence? Just save my parents the money and the hassle so that they can have the kids they always wanted since it's obvious I don't fit the mold. I don't even care about the rest of the d*** world since they don't seem to care about me, either. I either get in the way or downright ruin everything. Please, God, if You have any sense of mercy or understanding, just kill me now."

I'd like to say that this question was answered when I got saved, but, well, it wasn't. Throughout almost every part of my life, I used the same false solution in an attempt to get out of the rut I was stuck in: "If I can just be as cool/athletic/smart/funny as (insert name here), then maybe I'll feel better about myself/be of more use to so-and-so." So, I'd hang around people who I considered to be stronger than I was and end up imitating (or sometimes downright copying) them in an attempt to be a "stronger" person. It never worked.

I searched the Bible up and down for some kind of answer, but, for the longest time, I couldn't find a darn thing. It didn't help growing up in a culture where churches exalt and worship the so-called "spiritual giants" of our time (Jerry Falwell, Paul Washer, A.W. Tozer, Billy Graham, Charles Spurgeon, John MacArthur, etc.). I can still remember the days back in high school when I told everyone that God was calling me to be a worship leader.

The majority response: study for a career that'll make you a lot of money. There's no money in ministry.

Sure, some of them actually meant that, but I realized very quickly that there was an underlying issue at hand. Most of the people who said to do otherwise didn't think I could succeed in ministry. There was that implication that in order for someone to be successful at ministry, he/she would have to have some dynamic/explosive personality, be successful at absolutely everything, and be the kind of person that everyone would want to be around and every parent would be proud of.

It frustrated me to no end and led me to feel even worse. I not only doubted myself, but I doubted God and convinced myself that I was too weak, uncool, and frail to be used by God at all.

What I came to learn during my time at Liberty was the immense misunderstanding that many people in the church had made about people that God calls.

It goes like this: Before or during the time that someone is called to ministry, a vast number of people doubt that he/she can do it because that person isn't strong enough, made too many mistakes, isn't good looking enough, etc. After the person has served God in a huge way, that person is absolutely worshiped by other people and raised up as a massive standard that every other person must live up to. A perfect example of this is Moses. After he killed the Egyptian, a Hebrew accused him of being a murderer. As the plagues were brought upon Egypt, the Israelites blamed him for making their lives worse while they were still enslaved by Pharaoh. As they were going through the wilderness, they complained day after day and said it would have been better for them to remain in Egypt. However, when the blind man in John 9 tried to tell the Pharisees that Jesus restored his sight, this happened (vs. 28-29), "Then they hurled insults at him and said, 'You are this fellow's disciple! We are disciples of Moses! We know that God spoke to Moses, but as for this fellow, we don't even know where He comes from.'" Obviously, I am not comparing myself to Moses by any stretch of the imagination, but the point still stands.

A few weeks ago, though, God finally gave me the answer I needed and, just my luck, it was in a verse that I had read millions of times before. 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 - "Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the things that are not-to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him."

Looking through the Bible, example after example is shown of people who were weak by the world's standards, but used in incredible ways by God. People like Moses, Gideon, Timothy, Peter, John Mark (who wrote the Gospel of Mark), Joseph (Old Testament), or even Jesus. The list goes on and on.

Regardless, people continue to look at the outward appearance and make all judgments based on that. Just like 1 Samuel 16:7 predicted. What so people forget is that God chooses weak things to shame the strong so that He can be more glorified and so that no one can boast before Him (1 Cor.1:29). Sometimes, it seems as though people who are more attractive in the world's eyes tend to distract the eyes of those around them by their own attractiveness, whether on purpose or unwillingly, and end up stealing some of God's glory.

Even so, there was still the question of why I was still so weak after all this time. The answer for that came in another well known scripture. 2 Corinthians 12:9 - "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

This part was a little bit harder for me to grasp since I used to think that because I wasn't as spiritually strong as other people, the things I did while filled with the Holy Spirit weren't as important to God as things that stronger Christians had done. I guess that's the great thing about the body of Christ. God has placed each part exactly where He wanted it to be and made it so that all of them are made equal under Christ (1 Cor. 12). In this chapter, Paul actually described the weaker parts as indispensable (something that caught me completely by surprise).

To be honest, I had a very wrong perspective on myself the whole time. More than that, because my focus was so geared toward how I viewed myself, I failed to believe in God's ability to use me and, of course, heaped more and more sin upon myself. It's never been about me at all, but it's always been about God and about Him getting glory in everything. After all, it was only through Christ's weakness that any of us, strong or weak, are able to be saved and have fellowship with our Heavenly Father. Therefore, it shouldn't matter at all how weak or strong someone appears to be to the world or to ourselves, but only how great God is. Especially since all of us are powerless and less than nothing compared to His immeasurable power and greatness.

-Jason Clarke
Bassist of Generic Music Group